We have all heard the one about the “Big Catholic Family” with the underlying assumption that a life without medical contraception means numerous unplanned pregnacies. At all Catholic weddings, couples commit to an openness to life. But does this mean just having baby after baby?

There are so many considerations when planning the size of your future family. Not the least of which is how many children you can reasonably support. In his encyclical Humanae Vitae, Pope John Paul II says that “..the exercise of responsible parenthood requires that husband and wife, keeping a right order of priorities, recognize their own duties toward God, themselves, their families and human society.“

The order is important here. Firstly, what are our duties to God? Here you might consider that they are to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 9:7), but does that mean endlessly?

What are our duties to ourselves and our families? At times there may be physical limitations, and as a couple we cannot consider more than one or possibly two children. Perhaps our income or housing situation is insufficient to support a large family. Or perhaps the needs of our children mean our time and energy should be on them and not on any other potential children.

Finally, what are our duties to society? Pope Francis’s encyclical Laudato Si speaks about the importance of responsible stewardship towards the earth’s resources. Perhaps there is consideration about the positive and negative impact of having many children on society as a whole.

On top of all of these questions, you must consider what how you would feel if you fell pregnant unexpectedly. Openness to life means that all acts of sexual intimacy have the potential to create a new human being. Whilst we may have planned out our fertility, sometimes God has other ideas. How would we feel about this potential scenario?

Make sure you speak with your spouse about your ideas regarding the size of your family and the reasons for your ideas. You may also discuss the time between having children, and how you will know when you are done.

Openness to life is not recklessness, nor does it ignore the very real implications for adding children to your family life. Natural family planning strikes the right balance between a very real openness to life and the ability to manage fertility effectively whilst remaining in line with Church teaching.

So, how many children do you want?